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Theory 1. Classical boring explanation.

Motto: Everything is just as it seems to be.

Haruhi Suzumiya is a god, or possesses godlike powers. Asahina-san, Nagato and Koizumi were all actually created three years ago to dispel Haruhi's boredom. As for Kyon, he's got accidentally caught in these things halfways because Haruhi had developed a crush on him.

This theory is called a classical one because almost every character in the "Melancholy" more or less agrees with it.

Although explaining many things and being practically the basis to every conclusion the characters of the "Melancholy" and the following books make, this theory has lots of white spots. One of them is the so-called "desolate Haruhi paradox" - being omnipotent and all, Haruhi is in fact the least satisfied person in the whole "Brigade", because no adventures at all come to her, she never sees any aliens et cetera and every single out-of-this-world affair she initiates fails.

Variations:

1. Haruhi isn't really a god, but the real god tries to entertain her. Not much of a difference until this real god somehow shows himself. But the thing that speaks for this theory is the message to the heavens that Haruhi has left three years ago. Indeed, it's exactly these three years ago when the whole mess started - at least, as far as we know.
2. Kyon did not get caught accidentally, but was created by Haruhi herself - to have someone to develop a crush on. Makes no difference - to Kyon, at least.
3. Haruhi could only be happy while she's running around looking for aliens, but she'll get bored in no time when she finds them. That's why her subconsciousness (or an external god, if you prefer) prevents her from finding anybody. That's a possible explanation to the "desolate Haruhi paradox".

Theory 1.2. Classical zen explanation.

Motto: Per aspera ad astra.

The God (or whatever godlike creature one can image behind all of this, we don't care) had received Haruhi's prayer for extraordinary experiences three years ago, and proceeded with creating extraordinary things to please Haruhi, at the same time trying not to ruin anything that had existed up to that moment.

Unfortunately, even though all the things Haruhi sought for were now in her grasp, she failed to discover them. Looks like Haruhi's possesed by some rare selective blindness, she's biased by her belief that everything one could observe in his own school had already been observed enough by her. The God, in contrast, wants her to achieve a kind of a zen enlightment.

This theory was first described by RN3AOH in his posting "The Conspiracy Against Haruhi Suzumiya", quoted with contractions.

The explanation that this theory gives to the "desolate Haruhi paradox" is as following: an external god (or an extremly independent subconsciousness of Haruhi) did not try to entertain the Haruhi by presenting her a candy in form of an aliens et cetera right away. Instead, they wanted to teach her something, make her change herself somehow or do something herself.

Variations:

1. The real God is … (Haruhi's subconsciousness/Kyon/Tsuruya/Hikoboshi and Orihime/…). No real difference, although the "Haruhi's subconsciousness" version seems unlikely. It is also possible, that the real external god pursued more than one goal: for example, said God could have been trying both to teach Haruhi and to entertain Kyon and Tsuruya at the same time.

Theory 2. Romantical explanation.

Haruhi Suzumiya, just as Asahina-san, Nagato, Koizumi and everybody, are all just your average highschoolers. All the paranormal experiences they went through were thought up by Kyon as a romantic legend for a girl he loves, Haruhi, because she longed for adventures.

This theory was first suggested by Rassel D. Jones in his review of the anime.

Variations:

1. Kyon's made-up story actually turned into life because Kyon did posses superpowers. Compare with kyonocentrical theory.

Theory 3. Kyonocentrical explanation.

Motto: I've always prefered being a sidekick.
Kyon is the real god or posesses godlike powers. He is just too cynical and smart to act foolish but in the deepness of his heart he longs for adventures. Because of that his subconsciousness creates an impersonation of his inner nature, Haruhi Suzumiya, for him. No matter how you look at that, Kyon is in profit: Haruhi draws him into adventures, Haruhi is always the one who receives all the blame, and Kyon can freely complain all he wants because Haruhi never takes that for offence.

An argument for this theory is "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" prologue, in which Kyon tells us that he had hoped to be immersed in adventures from the very childhood, but wanted to be a mere sidekick and not the protagonist. That's exactly what happens with him later.

Another argument is the fact that Kyon is the only member of the "SOS Brigade" who profits on almost everything: he gets his long-awaited adventures, befriends the most beautiful girl in the school, the smartest girl in the school, the craziest girl in the school and makes a good male friend who's always there to give a hint or two.

In contrast Haruhi, who is the god according to the classical theory, happens to be constantly bored, melancholic, every single undertaking she tries to do fails and she never meets anything extraordinary. This is what we call the "desolate Haruhi paradox".

Variations:

1. Kyon isn't really a god, but the real god helps him. Not much of a difference until that real god somehow shows himself.
2. Kyon did not create Haruhi. He just had a crush on her and created all of these adventures for her. Compare with romantical explanation. But in this case it's unclear why does Haruhi still miss every single adventure. One possible explanation is that Kyon thought this way it'll will be better for Haruhi, compare with classical theories.
3. Kyon is only one of many gods living on earth Compare with polytheistical explanation.
4. An alternative approach to a "subconsciousness" theory: Kyon had first prepared all the adventures et cetera (by creating Haruhi and granting her with her powers) and then erased his own memory. There are some hints for this theory in the seventh novel, for example, with Kyon mentioning the fragility of memory several times. "It's entirely possible" - says Kyon, - "that I've already lost parts of memories of my previous days and activities."
5. Both Kyon and Haruhi are parts of the one. Compare with god duality explanation.

Theory 3.1. Kyonocentrical-fix.

Motto: Who's the last in line to be a king?

Not only Kyon is the God, it's worse: every single other person in the SOS Brigade is out to get Kyon and not Haruhi. Who needs Haruhi!

Kyon himself does not realise this. Koizumi tries to guide him slowly to realising this, but Kyon always eludes the point, stubbornly taking Koizumi's speculations for a mere chitchat and considering them unworthy of serious thoughts. In reality it's just his subconsciousness protecting him from dangerous thoughts which may lead to Kyon realising the truth.

Some of Koizumi's lines speak for this theory along with the following events from the second book.

Variations:

1. Nagato, Asahina and Koizumi all think that their target is Haruhi. Their superiors have not informed them that the real God is Kyon. Hardly a possibility given all of the supporting points for this theory assume other Brigade members know about Kyon being God.
2. Haruhi is just a decoy.

Theory 4. Tsuruistical explanation.

Motto: I'm fine with just watching.
Tsuruya-san is an extremly bored god. She grants Haruhi Suzumiya, Asahina-san, Nagato and Koizumi with superpowers and choses Kyon for his common sense to add him to the mess. Then she sits down before her imaginable TV and unpacks a pack of pop-corn.

Variations:

1. Tsuruya-san has created Haruhi and others from the scratch. Makes no difference.
2. Tsuruya-san did all of this only to entertain her friend Mikuru. But in the end she just scared the hell out of her.
3. Tsuruya-san silently loves Kyon and did all of this for him to enjoy. Then it's just a kyonocentrical theory again with Tsuruya-san as the god.
4. Tsuruya-san isn't the only God there is. Compare with polytheistical theory.